Our Kerala...

A 100% illiterately literate desi land where all its netziens with a keyBORED and internet connection are boastful about themselves in Orkut, a site where Google employees are paid to generate content of jerk nature for the jobless mallu-public. People of Kerala speak a popular phonetically pleasing sign langauge called Malayalam, so they are referred as Mallus. When Mallus wake up in the morning, their primary ritual is to update their Orkut profile and upload the latest buttogenic fotos in their colorful lungis and sarees, taken in a phooriegn (abroad) land. The next step is to self-glorify them by using Orkut publicity scraps or Facebook walls. Lungi, Saree and 24 carat jewellery export via checked-in luggage has trippled ever since its intelligent workers started immigrating all around the world for doing business right from space down to the underworld. This makes the state of Kerala lying in the southern most Psunami-proof looking coastal part of India, the no:1 foreign currency earner and spender. There is a private engineering college at every town right now and govt has pledge to expand it to every village. Per-capitation, donation & admission to these colleges are offered for those walk in from the CITU & INTUC waiting sheds. People of kerala purchases 10kg of gold every 5 minutes.

Talk english to everyone. Need not be meaningful, but need to be english. A mix words like yeah, ok, hello, missed call, recharge, shit! etc. will do. Pretend to know hindi, don't speak that. Speak Malayalam only when you are dying or starving or cursing. Ok, here's a tip: Never talk malayalam in schools. You'll find yourself being fined or even worse bald-headed in a few while! Beware...


Spoken Manglish(A hybrid of Malayalam and English) is the benchmark for speaking english in India and most teachers and professors of English in schools and colleges across the country are Malayali. One Malayali, Arundhati Roy, broke all records with her bombastic English by winning the Booker prize: awarded each year by the Queens of English in Britain. After winning the Booker with her novel, Got a Small Thong, she's shifted her focus to destroying the Narmada Dam with her similar bombastic rhetoric. Loyola Kutty is one of the finest teachers of English Kerala has to offer, to young students of Jam University in New Delhi. Her particular tutorial is titled, Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. !

The one and only Suresh 'just remember that' Gopi is widely acclaimed as the father of English in Kerala. His movies have a liberal dose of english in his dialogues (and titles) which makes the average mallu think he is from Hollywood! He is credited with the introduction of 'shit' to Manglish.The kerala state has also established a tullu academy for their cousin tullu brethren in kasargod to woos tullus in neighbouring mangalore-udupi to unite with kerala and rename it as Para shoo ram Shitra in honour of the founder of ancient kokonut land of kerala

Elephant running, Bull running, dog running, Cat running, Lion-tailed monkey running (Now-a-days the only one left on earth is always the champ)... Cricket (Only one person in the entire state plays it, that too because he was unable to find a job as a break dancer), Long Jump (One person plays that) Soccer (Nobody plays that) Street Fight (Everybody plays that)

Of late, the passion for Keralites is taking part in Hartal. This all started with the Supreme court banning bandhs. The ever-intelligent Malayalees could easily convert this threat to an opportunity by re-christening "Bandh" as "Hartal"

Though not detailed in the media Kerala's favourite game is 'Thappal', literally translated it means 'to search'. This game is usually played by the youth as well as Grandpas of Kerala at cinemas and local buses, the objective is to touch as many female body parts ( age doesn't matter ) in a very short period of time. If however there is a tie in the score between two or more players then the away bus rule applies the person whose done it in the bus which is not his regular haunt. Well, ministers as they are elected play this in flights or in Ice cream parlours. How can you expect them to travel in bus? Women who do not like to be played with, carry safety pins to ward off the players.

Kerala government has announced to constitute a Kerala Hartal Academy For a change, this academy will not be based at Trichur, but in Kannur.

Harthal is the national festival of kerala.They celebrate Harthal in any season any day any time. The state beverages corporation provides 750 ml of alcohol per person per hartal, which is a constitutional right. People gather in their house,watch television,eat and sleep on harthal days. The festival concludes with a massive puking competition held at the "Thrissur round", apparently the largest round-about in the whole universe.

published from uncyclopedia.